Body image issues: we can only see the amount of detail from where we are standing.
So, let's talk about the women I've been comparing myself to the last few days. I'm on vacation in Orange Beach, AL the weekend after the 4th of July (weird holiday when it is on a Wednesday, by the way), so as you can predict, all I have seen the last two days are women in their swimsuits. There are tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, fat ones, old ones - you get the idea. But why do I feel so compelled to compare myself to them? I've lost 30 pounds in the last five months. I should be rejoicing this body that I've recently acquired not still being self conscious and comparing myself to other women. I'm still working by the way- exercise and eating Paleo if you wonder how I've done it.
Anyways, earlier at the beach I saw this woman, probably mid-20s, and all I could notice was how her tummy didn't look like mine - you know, she didn't have stretch marks. She was with two younger children and all I could think was how on earth did she have two kids and no stretch marks or flabby skin.
Now mind you, our spots are right next to each other on the shore, and we are all avoiding the dozens of juvenile sand sharks in the water and the one jellyfish that appears dead. But they can still sting you when they are dead, right? Anyways, I digress.
I say all that because I promise I'm not stalking this girl. But as time progresses, I realize they are not her kids just part of her group, and the mom looks more like me. You know, we have stretch marks, look a little tired, and really just want our kids to go play with another adult for 5 seconds of free time: we moms know that look.
Then I thought to myself, well, so that's what a 20-something year old looks like before kids. That's what is my competition with the 30-something year olds that I'm supposed to be trying to date look like. I say supposed to be trying to date because I really just want one to fall in my lap and not have to really try, but we see how that's really working out for me, right? It's not, by the way.
Y'all, let me also be clear, I was kind of chunky and full of stretch marks after I hit puberty at 12. That shit hit me like a freight train, and my body has never been the same. I was never that cute girl with firm fat either it was always more flabby than the other girls.
Anyways, as a group of about five sand sharks starts swimming at us, I move in the water closer to them, and I can see it. She DOES have stretch marks and cellulite, which made me feel 1. Happy she was more like me than I thought and 2. Sad that I had been so critical of myself while comparing me to her for the last 10 minutes.
It made me realize that when we compare ourselves to others, we see the total opposite ends of the spectrum. When we judge ourselves, we key in on every negative detail, and I mean DETAIL. We know what's behind each bump, bruise, scar, stretch mark, fingernail polish chip, etc. When we compare ourselves to someone else, we only see what we can see from where we are standing. When we get closer or learn more about someone, we often learn that while our details are different, we are all flawed in our own ways.
We just need to stop comparing ourselves to each other and enjoy the moments we are given. We can only push to become the best version of ourselves they we can be, and as long as we are trying, we have no reason to put ourselves down. We will probably never really go back to that pre-pregnancy body, either. Even if we weigh the same, everything shifts around and your mental and physical characteristics are changed forever.
Regardless, what I've known for a long time, but never truly practiced, was that my self conscious thoughts and comparisons are only ruining my experiences and happiness on a day to day basis. I've changed my body over these last few months, but not my mindset about me and my self worth. Who am I and what do I want out of life right now? How do I learn to appreciate all that I do have? How do I tear down these emotional walls and self conscious feelings I've had for so long?
At this point, I'm not sure. As I battle this journey, I will share thoughts along the way.
Anyways, earlier at the beach I saw this woman, probably mid-20s, and all I could notice was how her tummy didn't look like mine - you know, she didn't have stretch marks. She was with two younger children and all I could think was how on earth did she have two kids and no stretch marks or flabby skin.
Now mind you, our spots are right next to each other on the shore, and we are all avoiding the dozens of juvenile sand sharks in the water and the one jellyfish that appears dead. But they can still sting you when they are dead, right? Anyways, I digress.
I say all that because I promise I'm not stalking this girl. But as time progresses, I realize they are not her kids just part of her group, and the mom looks more like me. You know, we have stretch marks, look a little tired, and really just want our kids to go play with another adult for 5 seconds of free time: we moms know that look.
Then I thought to myself, well, so that's what a 20-something year old looks like before kids. That's what is my competition with the 30-something year olds that I'm supposed to be trying to date look like. I say supposed to be trying to date because I really just want one to fall in my lap and not have to really try, but we see how that's really working out for me, right? It's not, by the way.
Y'all, let me also be clear, I was kind of chunky and full of stretch marks after I hit puberty at 12. That shit hit me like a freight train, and my body has never been the same. I was never that cute girl with firm fat either it was always more flabby than the other girls.
Anyways, as a group of about five sand sharks starts swimming at us, I move in the water closer to them, and I can see it. She DOES have stretch marks and cellulite, which made me feel 1. Happy she was more like me than I thought and 2. Sad that I had been so critical of myself while comparing me to her for the last 10 minutes.
It made me realize that when we compare ourselves to others, we see the total opposite ends of the spectrum. When we judge ourselves, we key in on every negative detail, and I mean DETAIL. We know what's behind each bump, bruise, scar, stretch mark, fingernail polish chip, etc. When we compare ourselves to someone else, we only see what we can see from where we are standing. When we get closer or learn more about someone, we often learn that while our details are different, we are all flawed in our own ways.
We just need to stop comparing ourselves to each other and enjoy the moments we are given. We can only push to become the best version of ourselves they we can be, and as long as we are trying, we have no reason to put ourselves down. We will probably never really go back to that pre-pregnancy body, either. Even if we weigh the same, everything shifts around and your mental and physical characteristics are changed forever.
Regardless, what I've known for a long time, but never truly practiced, was that my self conscious thoughts and comparisons are only ruining my experiences and happiness on a day to day basis. I've changed my body over these last few months, but not my mindset about me and my self worth. Who am I and what do I want out of life right now? How do I learn to appreciate all that I do have? How do I tear down these emotional walls and self conscious feelings I've had for so long?
At this point, I'm not sure. As I battle this journey, I will share thoughts along the way.
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